Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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