Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize