he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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