PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Congratulations! We have a period
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
