Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
