Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
