oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
