He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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