im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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