I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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