I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
