You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
