I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You left your phone here
Wait...
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