So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
