no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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