I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
