i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
