Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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