I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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