Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize