You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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