There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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