super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
