do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
