someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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