do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
