So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
