3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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