Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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