you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
