yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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