Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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