Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
