she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
