her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Farmville is her only friend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize