I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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