i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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