Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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