soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
