Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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