# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
