how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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