I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im holly from the hills drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
