super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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