my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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