I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
