mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize