i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
