so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
