nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
