she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
