I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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