I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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