I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
