you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
