I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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