My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A bitchslap is in order.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
