did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
