Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
